Marriage

August 4, 2010 at 8:02 3 comments

When I was first married, I was emotional unstable and an anger man from abuse I suffered from my Father.  However, I was committed to our marriage.

Think about a being married to man who would goes into a rage over something you did he didn’t like.  After being married  after three years to Debbie she began talking to me about my angry episodes when I was calm.  This was so I could listen to her.  Iron sharpens iron and that is way we grew.  The emotional whole person has make the first step.  The Gospel didn’t infect me because my view of it was wrong.  Jeremiah 29:11-14 was a verse that became important to me in High School, also John 1:10-12.  I so wanted God be for me and to become his son.   But I was living like an orphan.

I was working  Baltimore & Electric meter reader and we recently moved to Westminster, MD from Glen Burnie, MD.  Three and half years latter I was working in power plant and I made a huge mistake and the control room operator began yelling at me and I went off.  I threw stuff, cussed, walked  the control room and punched a steel door 14 times and crushed my right hand.  They to cut off my wedding ring because it was swelling fast. This event was God work in life beginning the healing process.  Before old room looks good you have to do demolition first. We lived in Westminster, MD. for 10 years and five of those years was the most painful years in my life.  Physical pain cannot compete against a broken heart.   Bruce Schwarz was living in Hampstead, MD at the time.  When I was really mad at Debbie I would walk into town to cool down and call Bruce to pick me so we could talk.  After these events I would bring her Asshole flowers.

All this time we loved each other, repented and forgave each other and change for each other.   It’s hard to submit to an angry man.   God commands each husband to love their wives like Christ loved the Church.  As God change me it became easier for Debbie to submit to me. I was driving to Drew’s home weeping asking God to rescue me from my sin and from myself and before I got to Drew’s house I was a new man.  All the garbage and pain inside me was gone.

For months God flooded my soul with his acceptance and his love.  Over the years Debbie and I became one.  We rarely fight although we have disagreements few times a week having to do with me doing something that the doctors told me not to do.   How did we get here?  We forgave each other, we change ourselves for each other, and we were and are in love.   I go shopping with Debbie because I want to be with her, most of time.  I enjoy her company.  Before we were married we agreed on all the major things in life.   So we did not have to fight over our convictions, but over our opinions about everyday life, over stupid stuff.  Over time we disagreed less and less.

The Bible uses water to describe different aspects of truth.

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer–
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.

Prov 5:15-19 (NIV)

This passage early on in our marriage God showed me these truths keeping faithful to her a to Him.

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not harsh with them.

Col 3:18-19 (NIV)

This passage convicted me on how I was treating Debbie.  This began changing me for her.

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- -…

Eph 5:22-29 (NIV)

If you pay attention to these verses and live them out, your wife will want to submit to you and you two will become One.

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Entry filed under: The Christian Life.

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dick  |  August 4, 2010 at 8:02

    Paul,
    I remember those years with you too. I thank God for the work he has done in your life and the grace that is visible in you. You were and are a means of grace in my own life and marriage. Keep up the good work. I’d like to stop in to see you Thanksgiving weekend when we come to MD to see Dorothy.
    God Bless you daily as you live for Him.

    Dick

    Reply
  • 2. Carol Noren Johnson  |  August 4, 2010 at 8:02

    Beautiful testimony, Paul.

    I have been married ten years. Ten years ago there no hard words between us and it was easy for me to be submissive. I saw how God was leading us through my godly husband. Lately it has changed, however.

    Now I am starting to see anger from my husband because of his dementia. “Fire that plumber and get another one,” he told me today. I told him calmly that we have the best plumber coming in the morning, the one that promised to come today at noon, but was detained on another assignment.

    It is hard to submit to his anger now because his reasoning is not what it used to be when we were first married; then I was a 55 year old widow and he was 62. I am being his helpmate, however, and he did calm down a bit. He didn’t want to go to the doctor last week and I took him home while he even hit me while I was driving the car; later he consented to go to the doctor and fortunately we made it in time. I obeyed him driving him home instead of to the doctor last week, but I didn’t obey him about finding another plumber. Several minutes later I told him again that I love him. He didn’t answer. I am in the marriage for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to death do us part. I love being in love and keeping that vow.

    Later tonight because of the dementia he will probably forget this incident, although maybe not because he tends to remember emotions. We do want our plumbing fixed, and I do wonder how to submit to him at time now.

    Paul, what are your thoughts?

    Reply
    • 3. traskman  |  August 4, 2010 at 8:02

      I would call who you need but do not tell him. Why get him upset. When they come introduce them to him and the tell him why they are there. Dealing with angry man for what ever reason is better with people around.

      My mother had dementia but spinal cancer killed her faster.

      Reply

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